The Wallflower's Wicked Wager (The Wallflower Wins Book 2) Read online

She had planned on writing, but she didn’t see how she could do that now. No. She had to find a way to free him from his fears.

  It was the only way that they would ever be happy.

  After all, he’d ensured that she would be happy. Perhaps now it was her turn to make sure that he could be too.

  Chapter 22

  Gideon wanted to curse.

  He prayed that a few hours alone would have allowed Helena to realize that they did not need to discuss such things as his concerns about their future.

  Their life was perfectly marvelous, and she should be content with what they had. What more could she possibly want?

  A good marriage, a published novel, a career in the making? He was happy to devote himself to her work and to her contentment.

  What more did she need?

  As he stormed up the steps and headed through the door of his town house, he whipped off his gloves, bloody well hoping that they could continue without discussing his father or loss.

  When he entered the house, he realized it was incredibly quiet.

  The town house was generally peaceful, but usually when he entered, Helena rushed down to greet him or he felt her presence somehow in the house.

  Now he did not.

  He turned about, feeling quite off center.

  Forbes, his London butler, suddenly came out from the servant’s hall looking most perplexed.

  The older man’s brow furrowed. “Laird MacAlister,” he ventured. “I have a note for you.”

  “A note?” Gideon echoed, feeling suddenly tired.

  The butler nodded, extending the folded and sealed parchment on a silver tray. “It is from your wife.”

  “My wife?” Gideon repeated, wondering why the devil Helena would give Forbes a note for him.

  Forbes frowned, then shifted from polished shoe to polished shoe. “Yes. She took the coach and she has departed. I don’t know what the contents of the note are, but I do know that she does not plan on coming back tonight. And she took her trunks, so I do not think she plans on coming back soon.”

  Gideon couldn’t quite believe what Forbes was saying, but then a wave of panic crashed over him, and he snatched up the note. “Did she say where she was going?”

  “As I understand, I believe she’s gone back to Scotland, my lord.”

  Gideon turned from the retreating butler and snapped the wax seal. He quickly unfolded the parchment. An entirely different fear spilled over him.

  “I love you, Gideon,” the note said. “And I believe you love me too. Come back to Scotland. Come back to freedom. I cannot live such a life with you as you seem to have planned. So do not come for me unless you are willing to try to live without fear keeping us at a distance.”

  He crumpled up the note.

  Live without fear indeed.

  He was not afraid.

  But then he considered his actions and the way he had spoken to her this morning. What’d said about being prepared for the worst… He was.

  Dear God, he was afraid just as she said, but how did he let go of it?

  He was afraid of losing her or leaving her behind, but how could he convince himself that he wouldn’t leave her behind or be left?

  And then it hit him, harder than any physical blow ever could. His greatest fear was not that he would leave her behind, but that he would be left. That he would be alone. Just as he had been when he was a boy. And by keeping her at a distance, he was protecting his heart.

  He did not wish to get too close to her, lest he suffer great pain.

  If something happened to her?

  If. . .

  He was living his life in fear because of an if.

  He groaned. What could he do?

  Would he keep protecting himself and lose her, or would he go to her and choose to live fully, as she had demanded that he do?

  It wasn’t that simple, was it? Could he even do as she asked? Would he be a damned fool and lose her now because he was afraid to lose her in the future to some chance accident or an illness?

  Bloody hell, what a hypocrite he was.

  He had forced her to face her fears when she’d been afraid to finish her novel. And here he was afraid to live his life with his wife and love her fully.

  He didn’t deserve her.

  He knew that.

  But he loved her. God, how he did. He loved her so much he’d almost lost her. Did he deserve her?

  He turned to the door knowing exactly what had to be done.

  He had to prove that he did.

  Chapter 23

  Helena felt positively green about the gills.

  At first, she had assumed it was the long trip back from Scotland.

  But three days after her return to the castle, she’d known that she was neither ill with a cold or a flu, nor suffering from the extent of the trip.

  No, she had a very good idea what was wrong with her, and it was not a sickness.

  She had a babe within her.

  It was the most remarkable thing to realize, and a visit from the doctor had confirmed it. She was four weeks gone, not much time at all, but her body had decided to show her quite firmly that she was making an heir—a child. Something she dearly wanted her whole life.

  Gently, she pressed her hand to her middle, already loving the child within.

  It seemed all her wishes were to come true. And this child was so lucky. An heir to a castle and born with three playmates already in this world.

  The boys had been most kind to her since she’d returned, and they’d all sensed that something was transpiring. She’d told them right away, lest they worry. The three boys had been absolute dears, bringing her flowers, butterflies, and their favorite frogs from the loch.

  They’d insisted, in their young but determined tones, that she eat soup and drink lemonade.

  She had sat in the long hall watching them play, and then she sat out in the fresh air whilst they ran about, which was very helpful for her condition.

  It was tempting to go and hide in bed, but she would do no such thing. She would not give way, even if Gideon had not yet returned.

  Her mother-in-law had been watching her carefully and could tell that something was not quite right, but her mother-in-law did not demand answers, which was very kind.

  Helena stared out at the drive, enjoying the cool late summer air, wondering if Gideon would come riding up the long gravel way like a knight errant. She almost groaned at her own romanticism. It was such a foolish thing to think.

  She’d tried to spend as much time as she could writing her next book, but the words had sometimes been difficult. She closed her eyes and tried to rest. She was exhausted these days and found napping in the outdoor air to be the best remedy.

  Just as she drifted off, something quite soft touched her face.

  She blinked and jolted. As if she had willed him into existence, Gideon stood over her, a purple wildflower in his hand.

  Slowly, he traced it over her cheeks.

  “Can you forgive a fool?” he asked, kneeling down beside her.

  “I don’t know,” she said softly. “Is there one present?”

  “Unfortunately, yes,” he sighed, his face drawn.

  “Who is it?” she asked, her throat tightening. “Me or you?”

  She did not wish to get her hopes up, but she had asked him not to return if he wished to live in fear. Did his presence mean he was ready to let her in?

  She could scare draw breath as she waited to hear his verdict.

  “Myself, of course,” he stated. “I’m surprised you would even suggest that you could be a fool.”

  “I don’t know,” she said with a wry smile. “I married you, didn’t I?”

  He laughed. “I suppose I deserve that,” he said.

  “You do indeed, sir.” She couldn’t stop herself. She reached out and took his hand, longing to comfort him. “But I understand that your concerns came out of great pain. Are you prepared to stop being afraid?”

  “Yes,” he sai
d passionately. “I cannot believe that I treated you, us, so poorly. By pushing you away, I was hurting myself too. I cannot believe that I was so afraid.”

  “I can,” she protested, feeling a wave of hope. “You’ve suffered a great deal, you know, to lose your father, to lose your sister, and I understand that you don’t wish to lose anything else.”

  “No,” he agreed. “I don’t, but I can’t control fate, and I’m only making myself suffer more by keeping distant from you.”

  “I’m glad you realize that,” she said, hardly daring to believe what he was saying. “Luckily,” she teased, “your cleverness makes up for your foolishness.”

  He smiled and lifted her hand to his lips. “Can you forgive me?” he said. “Would you be willing to try and allow me to learn to be close to you? To not live my life in fear of a future that will likely never come.”

  “Of course,” she replied, earnestly. “I love you. Why would I not?”

  He lowered his forehead to her palm and a look of great pain seemed to ease from him. “Thank you,” he said.

  Gently, she stroked his face, soothing his pain away. “I have a bit of news for you, which might be a bit of a shock and…could make you nervous.”

  “Out with it,” he urged. “Before you frighten me further.”

  She leaned forward and met his gaze. “I’m going to have a child.”

  “That’s exactly what I was afraid of,” he whispered suddenly. His voice raw with emotion. “What if something happens and I leave you and our child behind?” He swallowed. “Or worse, you and our child leave me behind.”

  “Oh, Gideon,” she breathed as she pulled him into her arms, holding him close. “We all must leave this earth sometime, but we cannot control when it is.”

  “I know,” he said, his voice raw with deep emotion. He sucked in a fortifying gaze and studied her face. “So we must enjoy what we have.”

  She cupped his face in her palm. “We must enjoy every moment, and love every moment, and be full with happiness and contentment and gratitude that we have been given so very much.”

  It was his turn to pull her into his arms. Gideon cradled her close to his chest.

  “I am grateful,” he said. “I am grateful for the moment that you caught me standing in the loch. I’m grateful for the moment that I discovered your novel beneath that tree.”

  She beamed up at him, her exhaustion fading slightly at his presence. “As am I. If you had not discovered that I was a writer, I think things would have been very different indeed.”

  He gave her a wicked look. “You mean I didn’t inspire you when you found me standing naked in the sea loch?”

  “Oh, you were very, very inspiring,” she returned, “but I had no intention to marry. And I certainly didn’t think you would be the sort for me.”

  “A very handsome sort?” he clarified.

  She tsked. “A rake, of course.”

  “Never a rake, my dear.” He placed his hand on her heart and then, slowly, he lowered his hand to her middle. “Always devoted to you.”

  “And I to you,” she said.

  Epilogue

  10 months later

  Gideon held their baby boy in his arms and realized that this was the promise of life.

  Yes, a baby inspired hope that things would keep going, no matter how difficult or how many painful memories there were.

  The beautiful face of his small boy, who spent most of his life dreaming, filled him with hope for the future.

  Gideon gazed over at his wife, who sat back against several plumped pillows on the great bed and was already scribbling a new story.

  She could not stop herself, even though she’d only given birth just a few weeks before. She’d almost immediately started creating a new world as soon as she’d given birth to new life.

  It was who she was and why he loved her.

  Gideon bounced his boy, walking back and forth across their chamber, content for perhaps the first time in his life.

  Love.

  This was love.

  The small child lifted its hand and pressed it against his cheek. Gideon gently held that tiny hand, then carefully tucked it back into the blanket.

  Oh so gently, he kissed his baby’s impossibly soft head.

  They’d named the child Gordon.

  Gordon was a very lucky fellow. For he already had three little boys ready to show him the world, a mother who would cherish him, and a father who loved him more than he could ever say.

  Yes, Gordon had come into a world full of love.

  And Gideon?

  He was the luckiest of all because he’d finally been taught to love again, to trust again, that though the world was full of peril, it was also full of wonder.

  He gazed down at the little boy that he loved so desperately already and then to his wife upon the bed, and he smiled.

  He had found perfection and perfection was in a kiss.

  A kiss for his child and a kiss for the love of his life. Gideon quietly headed over to his wife and carefully sat down beside her. Without a word, he kissed Helena’s lips ever so softly.

  She smiled, content, but did not stop writing.

  And then he kissed his darling son upon his beautiful cheek.

  In that instant, Gideon knew that the world was just as it was exactly meant to be. And that no man was more fortunate than he. No matter what the future held. Because the future? It held love.

  THE END

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